What would Taystee Say?

Have you seen Orange is the New Black? No? Really? Are you sure we're friends? 

Today, I hypothesized what Taystee would say if I walked into Litchfield Prison.

If she read me as female:

"Wooooo! That one helluva manly dyke! Look at all that pit hair up in there! And that leg hair is out of control! Hmm-mmm. She even look like she got some stubble goin on. Look at her about to pop one out! Her girl must got somethin wrong with her womb or somethin. That's some luv right there."

If she read me as male: 

"Dude needs to lay off the PBR or somethin. Boy could be cute if it weren't for that big ol' belly-- wait waaaaat? He pregnant? You serious? Bitches be fucking with me. For reals? You mean he a girl? Ahh, yeah, yeah, I can kinda see it now that you mention. Yeah. He kinda girly."

/DD