Monday, June 10, 2013

Gender Dysphoria + Pregnancy = What. Have. We. Done.

What? The second trimester is over? The gorgeous, happy glowing second trimester Nooooooooooooo!

Okay, admittedly, I might be remembering the past few months with rosey glasses. Although the dizziness and nausea of the first trimester were so bad, I wish I could block out those months from my memory completely.

NightDaddy and I have now sailed on into the trepidatious waters of the third trimester: 28 weeks. I went from "I can handle this-- no big deal" to horrendously emotionally unstable in the period of um... about 1 week. And NightDaddy? I thinks he's probably wondering who stole his lovely boyfriend in the middle of the night and replaced him with a raging monster.
Oh. My. God. The HORMONES! This shit is not fun.

To be fair, ND is actually being incredibly lovely and supportive. He calls me his cute pupa and knows that I will grow into a handsome butterfly at some point in the not so distant (even though right now it feels forever and ever and ever far away) future.
Somedays as a pupa are harder than others. I went from being completely unambiguously male looking for 4 years to suddenly having a 7 year old on a scooter ask me if I was a guy or a girl at the bus stop. I went home and cried big manly tears on ND's shoulder.  

Not that I regret the decision to make our daughter this way, I know she will be worth it in the end, but this is way fucking harder than I thought it would be and these days I feel like I'm barely hanging on.
Don't worry-- the appointment to see the psychologist has already been made! 
But for now, all I want to do for the next 12 weeks is hide under the blankets and incubate our little Piggelin. And eat lemon sorbet. I might come out for lemon sorbet...


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