Directed Advertising

What directed advertising looks like when it's aimed at a gay, ex-pat living in Sweden expecting his first child:

cloth diapers, a Scandinavian airline, a Swedish "man's man" fitness competition, g-string underwear for men and Suzuki cars.

/DD

Plushies

DD: We could stop by the apoteket when we're in town tomorrow and pick up a hot water bottle.
ND: Do they have the plushie kind?
DD: I doubt it. Probably just the plain rubber ones.
ND: But those aren't as nice. I won't use it as much.
DD: It's not for you!
ND: Why can't it be for both of us?
DD: The plushie ones are much more expensive and we'd probably have to order it online somewhere. We can just get a normal one and pick up a plushie from Myrona.
ND: *look of horror*
DD: What? We can just replace the stuffing with the water bottle.
ND: *shocked and appalled* You, Sir, have crossed a line!
DD: It's just a plushie!
ND: No! Besides it wouldn't work. How would you fill it up?
DD: *mischevious grin* Just remove the head. We can sew a face on the belly.
ND: You're sick.
DD: It could still be cute! Little button eyes?
ND: *leaves room*

Dreams Come True

On a drive throught the countryside last night, we spontaneously pulled over and hopped out for NightDaddy to take some artsy pictures of a flooded country road. 

The snapshot above was taken by me with my dinky little camera. The challenge with having a professional photographer in the family is that moments of your life can be transformed into incredible works of art, however, you never get those inconsequential "hey, remember this from when we...?" snapshots. I realized a while back that if I want those scrapbook shots, I've gotta grab them myself. NightDaddy, The Photographer, is still working out his relationship with my pocket-size Casio :P

I jogged back to the car last night to grab my camera because someday I wanted to share that moment with our little Piggelin. I'm so fucking proud of NightDaddy's career as an artist! It's not an easy one, but he's passionate and he never gives up. I want to have that fuzzy, roadside momento of her daddies sitting in a tree in a flooded field to show her and say "Look, this is when you were in DayDaddy's belly! And this is NightDaddy seizing the moment!" And I hope that she feels inspired to live her own dreams the way her daddies do. 

/DD

Lions

You know you're a family when everybody gets ill together!

Yesterday sucked.

The Daddies spent the day in bed with miserable colds. However, there was a silver lining! Not commuting in to work monday morning, meant immediate indulgence in this week's episode of Game of Thrones! Our second date ever was meeting up to watch GoT together. It's kind of this thing we do. And it's awesome.

(This is the part where I tell you, we're both avid fans of the books as well, but where I don't tell you that NightDaddy started reading the 4th book after the 1st book on accident and didn't realize until half way through. Thus, effectively ruining every surprise/cliff-hanger/fake death in books 2 and 3. I would never share that horrifically embarrassing story on the internet. Not me. No, Sir.)

At some point a few days ago, I had the bright idea that we should give our little Piggelin* the middlename "Leona" if she comes early because she'd be a Leo. NightDaddy was not amused. I'm pretty sure there was eye-rolling. Maybe even a lip twitch.

Then lo and behold, in the middle of a pee break during season 3 episode 3:

"What about Piggelin Lannister? You know, if she comes early."

/DD


*Piggelin does actually have a proper first name by now. We're just not telling you. I know. We're assholes. 

Spring Bump Exchange!

The internet can be so freakin' fun sometimes! 

Confession: Both NightDaddy and I are Redditors. It was one of the first things we found out we had in common. I believe at some point around date 2 or 3, one of us was trying to impress the other with some obscure current event and the other was like "Dude, I saw that on Reddit too." 

One day during the the trying to conceive period between the loss of our first pregnancy and our little Piggelin coming to be, I discovered the subreddit, BabyBumps, which is hands down, the friendliest, most inclusive, bestest bestest pregnancy forum on the interwebs! 

Being the first pregnant person in my close circle of friends, I don't want to be that guy. You know, the one who:

Whinges about his pregnancy: Ewww, I'm getting fat and gross and disgusting and no one is ever going to think I'm sexy ever agaaaaaaaaaain ;_:

Freaks out about every twinge or headache: OMG my head! Is it possible to get Pre-Eclampsia in the first trimester?!?!? What if I actually have a brain tumor and it goes undiagnosed because they think it's a pregnancy sypmtom?!?!?

And talks incessently about baby crap: Oooooo check out this cool bottle thingy that let's you feed hands-free!

Because let's be honest here. They love me. But they don't love me that much. And I love them too much to do that to them.

Thus: /r/BabyBumps to the rescue!

I just participated in my first ever internet gift exchange; The BabyBumps Spring Gift Exchange. Through a moderator orchestrated endeavor; I sent a pregnant person some baby stuff and some other pregnant person sent me some baby stuff. Check out the baby stuff I got! She even included some super cute hand-me-downs that a friend had given to her, but since she's due in July someplace hot, she figured they would be more suited to our little Piggelin who is due in September in Sweden, where it is April 13th and I am still watching snow fall outside my window.

And she sent a pacifier that says "I <3 Daddy." 

*sniff*

This woman wins at life :)

/DD

We've Been Practicing

YouTube tutorials on how the hell to put these things on a baby have been ridiculously helpful. Unfortunately, the so-called "complicated" diapering systems, like the prefold+cover pictured on Teddy here are frequently described as "not daddy friendly" as opposed to the All-in-Ones which are obnoxiously labeled "Daddy Friendly Diapers." 

Not that we'll be bragging about our mad teddybear diapering skillz at the gay bar anytime soon, but ,yeah, we've totally got this. 

/ND&DD

Lördagsgodis

Today's exchange on the train:

DD: So a friend of mine told her son when he was 3 that "sweeties" were raisins. So when he would ask his mom if he could have sweeties, he got a tiny fistfull of dried grapes. Parenting Win, right?

ND: I don't know if I'm comfortable lying to our child or tricking her into doing appropriate or healthy things. Why can't we just tell her that sweeties aren't healthy?

DD: She's 3. She's not going to understand that.

ND: Okay. How about "You can't have sweeties because sweeties are bad for you and we love you?"

DD: And when she asks why her friend Jonas gets to have sweeties?

ND: Because Jonas' parents don't love him?

DD: -.-

       So what are we going to call raisins in our house?

ND: Sweeties.

/ND

Talking to the People

This week DayDaddy is taking a break from the bugs in his laboratory and NightDaddy has left his camera at home and we headed south!

Many thanks to Lund University's Feminist Socialist Medical Student Committtee for inviting us to come speak last night! 

Here is a little description of the talk as it was advertised on Le Facebook:

Könskorrigering, identitet, hormoner, mastektomi, transvård, normer...
Har du funderat över vad transsexualism är? Vem är transsexuell? Vad finns det för normer och fördomar kring kön? 
Hur fungerar transvården i Sverige? Vilka medicinska behandlingar finns för transpersoner och hur fungerar de? 
Feministiska utskottet bjuder in till en spännande föreläsning om transsexualism!
Kom och lyssna på DayDaddy*, biolog och transaktivist, när han öppenhjärtligt berättar om allt från könsidentiet till underlivsoperationer. Warren är en erfaren föreläsare som delvis talar utifrån egna erfarenheter.
Föreläsningen kommer innehålla såväl sociala aspekter av normbrytande som före-och-efter operationsbilder.
Det kommer att finnas tid för frågor. Föreläsningen kommer hållas på engelska, men frågor kan även ställas på svenska.
Välkommen!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Identity, hormones, mastectomy, transgendes care, norms...
What is transsexualism? Who is transsexual? What norms and predjudice exist around sex and gender? How does the transgender care in Sweden work?
The feminist commite invites you to an intresting lecture about transsexualism!
Come and listen to DayDaddy*, biologist and transactivist, when he openheartedly talks about everything from gender identity to sex reassignment surgeries.
The lecure will touch on social aspects of norm breaking as well as pre-and-post operation pictures.
There will be time for questions! The lecture will be in english. Welcome!!

*Obviously, DayDaddy's actual name was used.

Basically, what this boils down to is DayDaddy telling his story about how he knew he was transgender, what the coming out process was like and then what is all is involved in socially and physically transitioning to relieve gender dysphoria. Then there's a section on sexuality and sex. The last part of the presentation is NightDaddy sharing HIS story of how we met, the process he went through in grappling with his sexual orientation (gay) whilst falling in love with a transgender man and how it's hard to even remember those early struggles because it's all so *normal* to us now.

We love giving these talks. They're a blast and the students are always great! This time we geared to topics more toward medical students (a stronger focus on the Swedish protocols and how Swedish doctors treat trans people in general). At the end, all of the students were wishing this had been incorporated into their required curriculum. Maybe someday...


Tonight we head across the bridge to Copenhagen to speak to a couple classes of American psychology and sociology students at the Danish Institute for Study Abroad.



/DD

Have you thought of a name?

Our discussions about what to name our little Piggelin look something like this:

The Power of Cloth

Yesterday, DayDaddy and NightDaddy came down with a very bad case of Stuga Stress Syndrome. 

You see, DayDaddy's sister (AuntieE), his dad (Grampa) and his dad's ladyfriend (MsT) are flying over from The States for a visit in July. Then, NightDaddy's dad (Dziadek) and mom (Babcia) are joining us and we're all going to spend a week on Gotland.

However, we were having an unusually difficult time finding a vacation rental that met our criteria. "Stuga" is a Swedish word that supposedly means "cottage" but practically speaking could be anything from a shack to a mansion (although one could get the same impression of the English word from reading Jane Austen). Turns out the week we picked is the week that a massive Swedish political dealie-o, Almedalsveckan is going on there *head desk.* 

Finally, a few hours, several 100 browser windows and a couple dozen phone calls later and NightDaddy secured us a place.  Yay! 

Within 5 minutes of this mighty triumph, DayDaddy discovers a package in the hallway that had gone unnoticed earlier. 

"OMG OMG OMG! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THE FIRST SHIPMENT OF CLOTH DIAPERS ARRIVED?!?!?" 

SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!

Poor NightDaddy. His brilliant stuga-finding victory was outshone by half a dozen bamboo terry flats and an organic bamboo fleece fitted from Sustainablebabyish. 

/DD

Lotus Birth

NightDaddy's reaction when I explained the concept of a lotus birth:

The Results Are In

This morning, DayDaddy got a bunch of sticky goo squirted on his tummy.

Don't panic, this is standard practice for ultrasounds, and we happened to have an appointment today; this week counts 18 from the day the stork got its baby order confirmation email (or however these things work, I was never quite sure). After eighteen weeks of conjecture and hypothesis, hearing about scientific things like moon cycles, the effects of boxer shorts on sperm motility and conception genetics, the apparently conclusive correlation of morning sickness intensity to male gender likelihood, Science (capital 'S') has  ascertained that our baby is... of the female variety. Which makes sense because her favorite place to hang out is in her placenta-pink womb-crib. And she's healthy and stuff! Which isn't surprising because she was doing a little boogie to the radio in the car and we all know that if you can get down and boogie then you're gonna be all right.

Also, it wouldn't be Science (with a capital 'S') if we didn't include an error-margin or probability analysis; they're about 80% sure about her bits being ladybits.

So you heard it here first - we're having a baby girl! (probably!).

Yay!

/ND

To I Do or Not To I Do

NightDaddy and DayDaddy are both legally registered as male. Despite the myriad of possible opinions on the matter, we are considered under Swedish law as a same-sex couple. Well, not yet. The powers that be don't know we're a couple.

We're not married. We don't even live together yet. In the beginning of our relationship, we were determined that we would walk our own relationship path at our own pace, conventions be damned. So far, this has been working out pretty well for us.

Our path lead us to a planned pregnancy together first and it looks like we'll be shacking up together starting in June.

Then comes the next decision: Do we register as "sambos?" This is the Swedish equivalent of a domestic partnershipish type thing. It doesn't automatically happen when I change my address to his our flat. We have to traipse on down to the tax office and fill out a form or two in order to be recognized as a "couple." And what does that mean? I have no idea. I have a feeling it has something to do with taxes and... stuff? It feels like a fairly grown-up thing to be doing, so we probably ought to check that out.

The alternative is, of course, to get hitched. Yes, we can do that in Sweden. We can even do it in The Church of Sweden. Yay, equal rights and all that jazz! But do we want to?

Here's the thing, though. DayDaddy has already been married once before. (I was young, he was beautiful and I needed a residence permit, okay?!) That relationship crashed and burned in epic posting-Gotye-lyrics-on-Facebook proportions. This time around... I'm in no rush.

NightDaddy? He wants a big beautiful traditional wedding: When. We're. Ready.

That said, I do occasionally ask him to marry me.

I asked this morning.

I called him up from my office: "So when we're on Gotland for vacation this summer with our folks, wanna get married?"

He laughed.

I laughed.

"Just checking" I said.

"See you tonight."

"I love you."

"Love you too."

/DD

Anatomy Scan Count Down!

This upcoming wednesday marks 18 weeks and our second ultrasound. We're a little bit... nervous.

I'm mostly excited. I can feel the womb ninja in there kicking away all day long. Such a weird sensation. I don't think I've ever felt something before that was so odd feeling that I still also considered nice. I can't wait to see how it all looks.

NightDaddy seems to have the gitters about the "realness" of everything. The kicks are still too small to be felt on the outside, yet, so he hasn't had a personal connection with the baby the same way I have. I'm hoping the ultrasound will be a special moment when we can both experience the baby together.

There is also fear that the baby might not be healthy. That it might be not just sick but very, very sick. We try to acknowledge that anxiety without letting it consume us.

***

Folks have started asking if we're going to find out the sex of the baby. Some are hoping we'll say "yes," while others are betting on a "no." We are going to find out. If it's possible. Of course, if the doctor can't get a good look, we won't be making a big production of it.

A close friend of mine was quite disappointed when I confessed our plan to find out. Her feelings are that in-utero is far too soon to be gendering a person. She's concerned about all the stereotypes and expectations that get heaped on a fetus due to the nature of it's genitals. I understand. Her girlfriend is transgender. I'm transgender. We don't have genitals that match our gender. It happens.

I have another friend who is raising his child without disclosing the sex. He and his partner use the Swedish gender neutral pronoun "hen" and their little one is around 5 months old now. They decided to wait until the child tells them.

We don't have the kind of friends who would shower us with pink onesies and lace booties if the baby has a vagina or dinosaur pattern hats and toy trucks if it has a penis.

NightDaddy wants to know everything about his little baby that is possible to know. Knowing the sex will help him feel more connected. It will make the baby feel more "real." It will take some of the trouble out of the naming nightmare.We can stop calling it "it."

Our baby might be gender non-conforming. Maybe gay. Maybe transgender. Maybe some new label that we will never have even heard until it comes out of that beautiful teenage mouth. That's okay. In our family we celebrate strength, compassion, creativity, passion and discernment in all colors and styles. We will give our baby a pronoun, but like all our gifts, this one will be given with possibilities not expectations.

/DD